I Never Told You
by CollinsJ
Summary: Some decisions are made out of nothing but love, and those are often times the hardest. DISCONTINUED FOR NOW
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a short one. Possibly six or seven chapters long. Like the other story, I will try to get two chapters out each week. I hope you get around to listening to the songs at the beginning of the chapters.**

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**Disclaimer : I do not own Rizzoli and Isles in any way!**

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Wanted – Hunter Hayes

For the umpteenth time Maura read through her acceptance letter. It seemed surreal, how at only 16 years old she had the next ten years of her life sketched to perfection. Had it been only two years ago, she would have been jumping to the skies with delight. But since returning from her French boarding school and starting public school in America, a lot had changed.

''_I don't want to attend a new school in Boston, I want to remain here'', Maura stomped her foot to the ground. _

''_Maura honey, get a hold of yourself''_

''_But it's not fair. You never asked me. It's the same thing that happened when we left Boston in the first place''_

''_These are well thought out decisions dear'', Constance tried to sound patient with her fourteen year old daughter. _

''_For you, yes. You drag me around the world to wherever your work takes you. I have to start making new friends again''. Maura was uncharacteristically pacing up and down in her mother's study, hoping the woman would just leave her at the boarding she was at so she could visit Boston on school holidays instead._

''_You don't have that many friends to leave. I'm sure you'll make a plenty more at this new school''. Constance was frank most of the times, but it never ceased to hurt Maura when she pointed out things like these that caused her so much pain. _

_And just like that, they'd relocated back to Boston. Just because her mother and father's work was taking them there for the time being. _

Maura would have hated her parents immensely for the move – once again – but then she met Jane. The brunette who was two years older than her had been a miracle in her life. She made each of Maura's dark days that much brighter. And after a year of tentative friendship to begin with, then comfortable company, leading to a majority of alone time filled with meaningful glances and shy touches, the two had begun a romance.

And they were now one year going strong, their love stronger than it had ever been. Jane had briefly dated Joey Grant and Casey Jones before Maura, but together they both had a new experience with each other. For Jane, Maura was her first ever girlfriend. And for Maura, Jane was her first relationship altogether. Even though they'd both never slept with guys before, their first sexual experience was with each other. Sloppy and awkward and painful, they eventually got the hang of things – together. And that was one of the bonds that kept them so strong. And they both knew they'd always feel this way about each other. How was it possible to ever forget the girl who gave you your first orgasm?

So much for love, as they say. This was the reason Maura was reading her letter once again, and putting it back in her drawer where it had taken residence for the last two weeks since it arrived. She would _never _tell Jane. She had never wanted to do it in the first place anyway. But her mother convinced her, saying it was worth a shot, as if _her _mind wasn't already planned. It was only when the acceptance letter came that Constance told Maura that they were planning on relocating to England. Her father was going to lecture at the University of Oxford while Constance did her art exhibitions.

It was happening all over again. Where her parents made their plans and had to find a way to fit her into them, never asking how she felt about it. But unlike before, Maura wasn't budging this time. Constance tried and tried but it was to no avail. Maura had made it perfectly clear; there was no way in heaven or hell that she was going to leave Jane. It was as simple as that. Constance who had before not much cast any thought to Jane, found herself filled with loathe over this tall brunette who was unknowingly ruining her plans.

Maura had been accepted into the medical school preparations program for 16-18 years olds at the University of Oxford. It was a summer program that she'd take to help her prepare to get into the world's second ranked best university. After the summer she'd begin her A'levels at the prestigious private Oxford International College. On completion she'd be headed into the beginnings of her medical career at the University of Oxford. Yes, it was all planned out. Her father had even stated that he'd arrange internships for her during the holidays at the private hospital a colleague of his worked.

Feeling the frustration rise once again at the thought of what her life was supposed to become, she folded the letter and put them back into the drawer. It was suicide to her future, she knew it. But it wasn't the end of the world. She'd get into BCU and not ever have to leave Jane or leave Boston. That was just fine with her.

With renewed resolution, she got herself prepared to leave. She was going for a sleepover at Jane's like she often did most weekends.

''Off to Jane's'', her mother called from the living room couch.

''Yes mother''

''Well have a nice weekend'', Constance said sincerely. It's not that she didn't see how much the two cared for each other. It's just that it was a romance bound to reach its end sooner rather than later, and that was the nicest way to put it.

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...

''What would I do without you'', Jane laughed as she locked her bedroom door. Maura had sufficiently saved her from Angela's rumblings about cleaning up after dinner – again.

''A lot actually'', Maura answered.

''Can you put aside the math and the logic for a second'', Jane sobered up and walked towards her girlfriend. ''You look beautiful'', the brunette said seriously.

Maura couldn't control her blush; Jane always said the sweetest of things when she really wanted to. ''Thanks''

''It's not just the pretty dress and nice hair Maura, it's much deeper than that'', Jane pulled Maura against her by the waist, placing one hand against Maura to feel her heart beat. ''You know this last year we've been together has been one of the best in my life. You make me so happy''

''Me too Jane'', Maura whispered, already captivated by Jane's nearness and poetic words.

''Before we started dating, I used to watch you – not in a creepy way'', she chuckled, ''But I used to just look at you walking down the hall at school or something, and I wished I could just hold your hand and call you mine''

''You should have'', Maura smirked, swaying lightly in Jane's arms.

''I love you Maura, I really do. And I know forever is like….._forever, _but I do wanna love you forever''

''I'll glad forever is _forever, _because I want to be with you for that long''

''I want that too''

''Is that all you want Jane?'', Maura challenged seductively.

''Ah…you know me well mi'lady'', Jane pulled Maura in for a soft kiss. ''There is a lot I want actually, now that you ask. I wanna wrap you up in my arms, and I wanna kiss your lips, and I…'', she paused, looking into Maura's shiny hazel eyes – they were as beautiful as ever. ''…I wanna make you feel wanted. Always''

And with than Jane pulled Maura in for a deeper kiss. Her tongue was granted instant entry as Maura moaned into her mouth.

''Not too loud Maur'', Jane panted, moving them towards the bed backwards.

''You're going…to have…to…do this fast Jane'', Maura said in between the kisses. And when Jane moved her lips the freckled neck, Maura could speak more clearly now. ''I don't think I can keep all that quiet Jane. It's been five days, and I've missed you so much''.

By this time Jane had her girlfriend pinned to the bed, as she frantically pulled her shorts and t-shirt off. Her bra was off by the time Maura fully opened her eyes.

''I'm not rushing this babe, so tell me if I have to duct-tape your mouth''

Maura smiled at the naked girl above her. While sometimes Maura preferred to just have a quickie, Jane had never been that type of girl. Jane didn't just _have _sex. She made love to Maura all the time, taking precious care with her body and showering her with kisses and all the tenderness in the world. Maura appreciated this, especially during their first times when it was all still new territory for her. But now there were just times when she was mad horny and wanted to be fucked senseless – fast.

Tonight was one of those nights, but Jane wasn't budging.

''Jane…'', Maura pleaded, roughly pulling Jane's hand where it was needed.

When Jane met the moisture, she understood the turmoil her girlfriend must be in so she picked up her pace a bit more, kissing Maura to help muffle her cries as she came undone. At this point in their relationship, they were sure that at some point someone had heard them having sex. No one ever mentioned it, but from Maura's often loud cried they knew it must have happened. And that's why Jane preferred having sex at Maura's than at her place.

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...

On Monday morning Constance asked Angela if they could meet for coffee.

''With all due respect Angela – I don't mean to insult you or your daughter – but this relationship is pulling Maura back''

''But they love each other'', Angela reasoned.

''That, I know. But is it enough for my daughter to throw her entire future prospects away for?''

''Maybe it should be _her _decision. I understand she still hasn't told Jane about this''

''No she hasn't'', Constance said miserably.

''Give her time, she might change her mind''

''Jane says she wants to be a police officer when she grows up correct?'' Angela was quiet for a moment, and Constance saw right through the cracks. ''But you don't support that''

''Because it's dangerous and not well suited for women I think'', the Italian mother defended.

''That's what you _think. _And you want what's best for your daughter so you continuously discourage her from that. And you don't see me challenging you because of that''

''It's different''

''Because it's my daughter, and not yours?'', Constance asked back. Angela didn't respond. ''If Jane was accepted into the best school, and had the potential to do great things wouldn't you want that for her? If your family was moving away wouldn't you want your daughter to come too?''

''I see your point I guess'', Angela said softly. It hurt her that Maura had to go away. Because she loved Maura, and her and Jane were so good together. This whole thing was going to destroy both girls, Angela just knew. She felt the worst for Maura, because the blonde wasn't going to have anyone to comfort her. At least Jane would have her family and friends.

''Maura loves your daughter, and again meaning no disrespect, they are both young and this can't possibly last forever. Imagine how much Maura will despise Jane if they broke up when she'd thrown everything away for her. And imagine how guilty Jane would feel for the rest of her life knowing she was the reason that Maura didn't reach her full potential. Would you want them to both then stay together just because breaking up would be a waste? Don't you see it Angela?''

''I do''. The Rizzoli mother was staring to see Constance' point. Her argument was valid. There was a good chance all that had been said could happen. And would the girls recover from that? Wouldn't they hate each other for the rest of their lives if things got ugly? And didn't it seem like tying down someone, or putting too much pressure on them. Because if Jane learned all this, she'd work tirelessly to be the perfect person for Maura to make up for Maura choosing her over Oxford. And wouldn't Maura end up feeling entitled to everything Jane had to offer, because of the sacrifice she would have made for the brunette? And what if Jane fell in love with someone else, it is life, it happens. How would she tell the blonde this when Maura would have put her before _everything in her life. _

''Maura is only sixteen, and while she may hold a respectable intellectual level, emotionally she's not there yet. It's a 'hot' romance'', the refined woman used air quotes. ''They are young and in love and oblivious to _real _life. They are going to have to make plenty more sacrifices in their lives, this is just one of them''

''I guess'', Angela shook her head in sad agreement.

''In time, they will realize all this and move on''

''So what are we supposed to do?''

''I think that you should tell Jane'', Constance declared.

Angela gasped upon hearing this, ''What?''

''And I think you need to tell Jane to end things with Maura''

''That's not necessary Constance. Surely they can still date. I mean….if things eventually fizzle then fine. But it's not right to _force _them to break up. And can't Maura visit during her holidays?'', the woman pleaded on her daughters behalf.

''If Jane doesn't break up with her she won't go. Her mind is made up. Honestly, I've never seen her like this. She has a couple more weeks before she has to submit her decision for the summer program, there just isn't much time. And at the end of the term we'll be leaving for England''

''That's so soon Constance''

''It is. And Maura knows this, that's why she's neglecting to act upon it in the hopes that she will be late and they won't take her in''

''And the holidays?'', Angela asked.

''Her father has arranged some internships for her. And really, after Jane breaks up with her, there won't be much need for her return''

''It's not only Jane that loves her you know, we _all _love her''. Angela couldn't understand how at Maura's young age they had lined up all these things for the poor girl. Frankie was almost sixteen and all that was decided for him was which sport club he was going to join for the summer, and not a whole program to prepare him to get into an acclaimed university.

''I don't know what to say Angela. But I believe it is every mother's job to look out for her child in the best way they can. You have your way of raising your children, I have mine. It probably doesn't seem ideal to you, or necessary even. But where I'm from, how _I _grew up, these are the important things. I want my daughter to be well educated and prosperous academically. The college she will get into in England, it's only a first step. And where she'll end up, they will look at all of these things and consider them in high regard. I want her to be at the very _top _of her profession. Because I know what she is capable of. And my job is to enable her to be the best, and that's all I'm doing here. Lovers come and go, all the time, we both know that. And I can't let my decision be influenced by a teenage romance. Do you understand me?'', Constance asked. She really hoped her words could take root.

''But you brought her to a public school here. Weren't you thinking about her future then? Why didn't you take her to some private school then?'', Angela asked her a fair question of her own.

''It was a sudden move Angela. And two years ago, I believed a change in environment would do her a bit of some good'', came the lame response. She'd been caught red handed.

''That doesn't seem like a fair standard, but I won't argue with you over _your _daughter''

''Good. Anyway'', Constance continued, ''think about it''. Both their coffees had gone cold. The two had met at a café where they were having this discussion that would shatter the lives of their daughters. ''Talk to Jane. I know she too is a smart girl. And if she loves Maura, she'll do what's best for her.''


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I apologize, I should have written this on the first chapter. This is an angsty piece, with a Rizzles ending though. Please don't be mean to me, I have warned you already. And to the rather unpleasant guest, I'm NOT a teenager, but I do appreciate your correction. Thanks to everyone else. **

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''When I found out I was pregnant with you I was so scared'', Angela said.

''What! Ew Ma, is that what you came in here to tell me'', Jane looked outside her bedroom window avoiding her mothers intense gaze. Somehow she knew Angela was there for a serious talk. She'd noticed from when she got back from school how slightly out of character her mother was acting.

''I'm getting somewhere Jane, if you'd just let me''

''Fine, you were scared'',Jane continued to stand defensively by the window while her mother sat on her bed.

''Yes, I was. It was unplanned and your father and I didn't quite know what to do. Eventually I had to quit my job, and you were born and it just wasn't possible to work''

''A lot of mothers with children work Ma''

''I know. But it was a sacrifice I didn't want to make – going to work I mean. So I stayed home with you while your father worked. It was really tough at first, we didn't have enough for a new baby and one income''

''Wow, way to make me feel very important Ma'', the brunette responded sarcastically.

''That's not it Janie. These were all sacrifices your father and I made, for you. And then Frankie came along, and your father had to work even more. I preferred to not have any luxuries but instead stay home with my babies, and take care of my husband. I was young, but those were the decisions I had to make at that time.''

''You do know that I'm not pregnant right?'', Jane asked.

''I know that'', Angela told her patiently. Had it been any other time, she would have gone on a rant about Jane's rude mouth and so on, but as it was, there were more pressing issues, and Jane was starting to get nervous.

''Maybe you should just tell me what it is _exactly _that you came here to talk to me about.''

''It's your turn to make your own kind of sacrifice'', Angela got to the point.

''Yeah, you know what Ma? Enough with the parables already. Can't you just get to it''

''I met Constance for coffee today''

And slowly Jane could feel her knees getting weak. Forget looking out the window, she swiftly found herself logged onto the bed – a safe distance from her mother.

''She…uh'', Angela swallowed, ''there is something Maura hasn't told you''

''Like what?'', Jane spat. The idea that Maura could be keeping anything from her was preposterous. They didn't have secrets, it wasn't what they did or who they were.

''She got accepted into some fancy elite British school''

''So…?'', Jane asked, at the same time wanting and not wanting to know the full story.

''They're moving to England Jane. Her parents have work to do there, and she got a place for school, to start this summer.''

''That's a month from now'', Jane didn't even have the energy to shout.

''Yes. And this school is the best and her father has some internships for her and then she will be doing something like….I don't know…A'levels or something like that. Jane-''

''How come she never said anything'', Jane whispered. And Angela could hear the tears in her daughters voice. She could feel the pain Jane must be feeling from not having known all this.

''She isn't planning on going Jane. That's why I met with Constance today''

''She doesn't want to go?'', Jane asked hopefully.

''No'', Angela shook her head. ''Constance said her mind is made up and she has no intention of leaving Boston. That's why she never mentioned it to you''

This is the point where Angela could have collaborated with her daughter and stood up for Maura so that she wouldn't leave Boston. This is where she could have offered to house the girl and do whatever she could for them to remain together. Now is the time when she could have coaxed Jane into leaving things as they were and having Maura all to herself.

But she couldn't do that. As a mother, her conscience refused. Regardless of how happy she wanted her daughter to be, she loved Maura like a daughter as well and hence wished the best for her too.

''So she's not going then?''

''According to her, yes. But her parents want her to go. Jane, the opportunities for her future are so bright and Constance is devastated that she's throwing it all away…'', she caught herself before saying 'for you'

Too late.

''For me'', Jane finished off dejectedly.

''Honey, nothing is your fault. And you should know how much Maura loves you by the simple fact that she dismissed the idea and was more than prepared to bid her parents farewell just so she could be with you. Do you understand that?''

''I do. And that's what sucks the most'', Jane sighed.

''If she loved you enough to make that choice, maybe you should love her enough to let her go''

''I can't Ma'', Jane said that quickly, matter-of-fact.

''I won't tell you what to do Jane, because in the end the decision is up to you and her. And that's why Constance came to me. She could have just made Maura go and told her she had no choice in the matter. But she respects her daughter, and wants her to make her own choice. And that's why I am speaking with you now as well. As my daughter, I want you to know I respect your decisions and I won't force you into anything you are not happy with. You know by now I don't like your plan to join the academy. But all I can do is talk, in the end its your decision. Jane'', Angela reached for her daughters shaky hand, ''Maura wants to be a doctor, she has told you that countless times. Her parents have created this wonderful path for her to pursue her dreams the _best _way possible. Do you want to be the reason that she isn't at the top of her career? Do you want to be the reason that she doesn't get to go to one of the best schools in the world? That she doesn't experience those internships and what not? Do you want to be the reason that she isn't _living _with her parents?''

''No'', Jane cried. All the information hurt. She hadn't thought for one second all that was happening could happen. Everything was so perfect and she was happy. She was going to graduate from high school in a couple of weeks and was going to have a lovely summer with her girlfriend. Then when Maura returned for her last year Jane was going to go to a community college before Joining the academy after getting her Associates Degree. It was all going to be well and her and Maura were going to be together forever like they'd promised…

''I promised her we'd be together forever'', Jane whispered – mostly to herself.

''Oh honey'', Angela gathered her into her arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. ''It's going to be okay'', she whispered again and again into her hair.

''What do I do Ma?'' Angela could not remember a time when Jane had openly asked for her help. She only wished it was under less devastating circumstances.

''You are still young Jane'', Angela said as she pulled her daughter at arms length. ''It hurts now, a lot. But _believe _me you'll be fine. It will take a little time, maybe a lot, but you'll get there. It's for Maura. You are doing this because you love her. That's the sacrifice I was trying to explain to you from before. We do what we have to do for the ones we love. I'm not saying Maura is going to be happy. It's going to hurt her as well, because she won't understand why you could say you love her and then leave her. But she's even younger than you Jane. And when she'd older she'll appreciated what you did for her. She won't know it now, maybe _you _don't even know it. But the purest and greatest kind of love is when we put the people we love before anything else, before ourselves''

Jane nodded, but the tears still ran down her cheeks. She wasn't sure how she could break this down to her girlfriend. If she was this devastated, what was going to happen to Maura?

''I don't know how I can ever tell her something like this Ma'', Jane cried. ''Do I have to break-up with her?''

''Not necessarily Jane. I asked Constance the same thing you know''

''What did she say?'', Jane whispered.

''She said Maura will be very occupied and will most likely not get the time to come now and then. And even she does, it will be very destructing and time consuming for the both of you. Frankly, there would be no point really if she going to go there and spent her whole time chatting to you or travelling back and forth''

''People have long distanced relationships'', Jane said unconvincingly.

''Not sixteen year olds Jane. It will be too much for her. For you even. As much as I don't like it, ending things will be the best way to move forward. Maybe when you're older, you'll find your way back into each others arms. And you will still keep in touch if you like. But Jane, this is all up to the both of you. From me, these are all suggestions, nothing else.''

''Sure. She'll just _love _to keep in touch with the girl that just broke-up with her for no damn reason'', Jane said with irritated sarcasm.

''It's not for no reason Jane''

''You think I am going to tell her everything you're telling me?'', Jane said disbelievingly. ''If there is one way to ensure that she _doesn't _leave, its telling her all of this. She won't go if she knows I love her this much''

''I guess you have a point'', Angela reasoned.

''She'll only leave if she thinks I don't love her'', Jane reiterated. ''That's so much worse than the truth. I don't think I can do that to her.''

''Then what will you do?''

''I'll figure out a way to make it….you know…better'', Jane shrugged, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Her life had just gone from perfect to stupid in a few minutes. It was infuriating how unfair life was.

* * *

The next day Jane couldn't summon the courage to say anything to Maura. _Thinking _about it was painful enough, let alone speaking it. So she spent the day actively avoiding Maura. At lunch, she didn't show up opting instead to sit in the library away from everyone. At the end of the day Frost and Riley stood by the quadrant with Maura waiting for Jane like they normally did after the day-end. All the three got was a text that Jane had to rush home and she'd see them tomorrow. It was odd - not like Jane at all. And while Maura should have naturally been worried, she concluded that there wasn't anything to be alarmed by. Jane was okay, and she had gone home. Her letter was safely tucked in her drawer and she knew her mother would never confront Jane about everything going on in Maura's life regarding school.

So there was nothing to panic over.

Oh so Maura thought.

When Jane got home she'd spent a considerable amount of time weeping for a love she knew she had already lost. Angela had tried vainly to console the girl, it wasn't working. By seven that night, Jane had already fallen asleep – mostly exhausted from the emotional exertion.

The next day she _knew _she had to talk to Maura. The days were ticking by, in which the blonde needed to accept her offer. As much as Jane loved Maura, she knew she'd _never _live with herself if she ruined Maura's life in that way. It had to be done.

And so it was.

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**AN: If you don't like where this is going please don't mean, you can check out Brand New Day instead. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This is where I may loose some of you with this story - sorry. Just please don't be mean if you find you don't like what's going on.**

**Oh and if you have the time you can listen to that very lovely song dedicated to this chapter. **

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You got growing up to do – Joshua Radin

''Jane'', the blonde ran up to her girlfriend after school. ''You have been quiet since yesterday'', Maura circled her arms around Jane's waist from behind. The taller girl was glad that she'd have at least a few more seconds before having to face Maura. ''Was everything okay at home yesterday?''

''Yeah'', Jane rasped. And Maura heard it immediately in Jane's voice – something was amiss.

''Jane look at me'', she instructed after pulling her hands off of Jane.

''Can we do this somewhere else?'', Jane pleaded, tears starting already.

''Oh Jane, what's the matter?'', Maura walked around to face Jane and was startled by the look of utter destroyal on her girlfriends face. ''Jane?'', Maura asked again, voice now going weak.

Jane just walked towards her house, Maura in tow. They walked for five whole minutes in silence. Jane trying to get a hold of herself and wondering how she was going to start the conversation. Maura asking herself what could have caused Jane so much turmoil.

It wouldn't be long before she found out anyway.

A few minutes later they walked into the Rizzoli home. When Angela met their countenance she knew what was about to go down and silently communicated with Jane that she'd keep the house empty for them.

With that she left, offering Maura a small kiss to the cheek. Jane was half way up the stairs already, and Maura soon followed.

Inside the room, Jane plopped herself on the bed and began to rub her hands vigorously.

''I've made some changes in my plan'', Jane said calmly. ''After graduation I am going to the police academy''

''What?''

Jane didn't answer, she knew Maura's 'what' didn't mean she did not hear the question.

''That wasn't the plan Jane''

''Like I said Maura, I've made _changes _to my plan'', she said a little exasperatedly.

''But why? Can you even _get _into the academy at your age. And we discussed this Jane. You were going to go to college, because that's best for your future, remember? For promotion to Homicide Detective. This doesn't make any sense'', Maura looked at Jane with nothing but confusion.

''Me and Frost talked to Korsak, he's going to help us out. We want to do this now''

''Well I suppose if you have your mind made up I can't convince you otherwise'', Maura said, still standing in the same stop she was since entering the room. She could sense this wasn't all Jane had to say though. ''Can I ask why the sudden change of plan though?''

''We may have to enroll into a one year live-in program''

And Maura's eyes nearly fell out. ''So what are you saying Jane?''

Jane breathed in and out heavily. This was it. ''I am going to be an hour away from here, for a really long time. I don't know if this is going to work out''

Maura squared her shoulders and stood stiffly, ''By _this _are you referring to our relationship?'', it sounded like a warning.

Peel the band aid off Jane told herself.

''Yes. I don't think _our relationship _is going to work. You know…me there, you here and what not''

''_AND WHAT NOT!'', _Maura's voice was getting louder by the sentence. ''You are talking as if this is some sort of joke to you''

''It's not, I swear. I just don't want to waste your time, I wont be able to do it''

''Are you breaking up with me?'', Maura whispered, dropping the bag slung around her shoulders to the ground.

And Jane's silence was all the answer she needed.

''Jane, I love you'', she stated.

''I love you too. But…''

''I don't want to hear it. Don't you _dare _say but. Are you seeing someone? Or is there someone else you are interested in? Have I bored you to death now? Is that it?''

''It's not that Maura'', Jane stood to try to console her…Maura.

''Don't touch me'', Maura shoved Jane off of her. ''Why are you doing this Jane?'', Maura cried. In her mind she was thinking about the letter she had at home that she had ignored for Jane. And here Jane was, dropping her like an old shoe to go to the academy with Frost. It made her very very angry.

''You know the whole long distance relationship thing is hard'', Jane reasoned.

''You are just going to be a few towns away Jane. I can drive over, and you can always come home, and…''

''You deserve better than that Maura''

''You know nothing about what I deserve'', Maura spat. ''If you did you would know that I _deserve _you. That I _deserve _to be in this relationship. How could you do this to me Jane?''

''Maur, I'm sorry''

''Why now? Why didn't you end things before, or after schools close for the summer. Why did you pick today, after school''

''I just needed to tell you soon Maura. I didn't want you finding out from Frost or something''

''So what, I'm supposed to look at you everyday for the next two weeks and have my heart break all over again?''

''That wasn't my intention Maur''

''Are you sure?'', the blonde shouted back. ''YOU LET ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU'', she yelled louder. ''And you kissed me, and you _fucked _me. And NOW you don't _think you can do it. _What about me Jane. Do I have a say in all of this. In your 'change of plan'?''

Jane had _never _seen Maura mad - ever. They never fought in the whole time they'd known each other. Maybe just a few disagreements here and there, but that was it. And she silently told herself that this would be the first and last time, _if _Maura ever spoke to her again after this. The blonde was fuming, and hurt, and Jane hated herself for being the cause of it.

And they argued back and forth, Maura trying to understand why it was necessary to end their relationship because Jane wanted to go to the academy. Asking Jane _why _she even wanted to go there in the first place. She got no straight answers, mostly just a string of varied apologies. Maura shouted, and then openly begged, and cried, but nothing seemed to pierce through the brunette.

''I hate you Jane'', she eventually said when her anger had reached its peak and gotten the best of her. ''You promised me, just a few days ago that we'd be together forever. You _lied _to me''

Maura looked shattered, and Jane felt a million times worse. She briefly considered telling Maura the truth and ending all the hurt. But she knew it would create in the longer term more hurt. It was better if Maura hated her for thinking Jane didn't love her than despising her for ruining her future.

''You broke my heart. I hope you can live with that for the rest of your life'', after those words she stomped out of Jane's room and ran downstairs. She called her driver and walked down the block waiting for him to get her.

...

It never occurred to Maura's young mind that her mother might have had anything to do with Jane breaking up with her – or Angela for that matter. Because if her application to the school or her family relocating to England had anything to do with it wouldn't Jane have mentioned something? Wouldn't Jane have said she's going to the academy because Maura was moving away? Wouldn't Jane have questioned Maura about why she had been keeping this a secret from her?

So no, Maura never considered all these possibilities. She was rather, in a tortured state of hurt. All she could think about was where she had gone wrong, or what she had done to push Jane away. But she couldn't for the life of her figured it out, because everything had been so fine. They were so happy together, and there had been no prior signs indicating that there was reason for a dissolution of their relationship.

Later, Maura knew, that she would really feel hurt. Presently, she mostly just felt anger. Jane had broken her heart without giving her a valid cause. Jane had known that this was Maura's first relationship. She had been well aware of the fact that the blonde loved her. But she had gone on to do this, leaving Maura absolutely shattered.

* * *

None of them made it to school the next day.

Constance spent the morning nursing her heart broken daughter with tea and muffins. She held Maura for a long time as the poor girl cried her lungs out. Constance had never been one to offer this kind of comfort, but she knew there was never a time her daughter was going to need her more that while going through her first heartbreak.

Jane had blatantly refused to leave the confines of her bed. She just couldn't do it. What she'd said to Maura left her physically sick. She had taken the heart of a girl she loved more than anything and trampled on it mercilessly. Yes, it was sickening. Angela understood this, and offered nothing but support to her baby girl. She herself had gone through a heartbreak or two in her days, and she knew it was nothing exciting or easy to recover from.

* * *

Maura was a fraction ready for school the next day. She made it a point not to join Frost and the other guys like she normally did and stayed to herself instead. She didn't see Jane throughout the whole day though, and figured the brunette was avoiding her. Unbeknownst to her, Jane hadn't made it to school that day either.

When Maura didn't see Jane again the next day again she began to feel agitated….no, pissed off! Jane was the one who broke up with _her. _How could she have the nerve to take days off school. What was she so distressed about. If Maura was wrongfully dumped and still able to make it to school, so should Jane.

Maura had briefly considered asking Frost why him and Jane had made these changes and decided to go to the academy. But she found herself too angry and hurt to talk to anyone about it. Several texts from their friends sat in her phone unopened. She didn't care what anyone else had to say unless it was Jane. And sadly, none of those messages were from her brunette _ex-girlfriend. _It felt like a nightmare thinking of Jane as an ex. Didn't people usually take steps towards become ex's? Just like everything un-normal in her life, her relationship had just taken an unimaginably large leap in the wrong direction – she shouldn't be so surprised right? Its not like things really ever worked out so well for her. Jane had been the exception, but now she wasn't anymore.

...

That weekend, Maura spent a lot of time thinking about her offer from Oxford. She had cast away that excellent opportunity for Jane. But if they weren't together anymore, what was the point. She might as well. Its not like there was anything else left for her in Boston if her parents were moving away. She was sure that the rest of the Rizzoli's would still care for her, and even their friends. But it would now just be an imposition if she wasn't with Jane anymore.

* * *

***Hides behind her hands***


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry it's short. I just couldn't join the next one with this, and I didn't have anything else to add here. Hope you listen to the song as well.**

* * *

Like we never loved at all – Faith Hill

The blonde hadn't laid eyes on Jane since the day she had broken up with her. Waking up every day and making to it school was a feat, many a time she thought she just couldn't do it, but somehow managed. Some days she thought about her bag, the one she had left at Jane's house that fateful day. She imagined it may give her a valid excuse to go over to the Rizzoli's and get Jane to explain _why _she had really broken off with her, because the Academy justification was bull shit and they both knew it. But Maura restrained herself. She wasn't going to beg Jane again, she deserved better than how Jane had…_was_ treating her.

...

The last week of school, most of the seniors were staying late planning their graduation event. And Maura had made an appearance here and there, assisting Susie with the speech she had to make, just as she had promised.

As she walked out of the school, waiting for her driver to come and pick her up she heard Jane's laughter filter into the night. She wouldn't miss that deep throaty laugh anywhere.

From around the corner, her Jane emerged. She'd never looked so good. Underneath the city lights and laughing with her friends. Maura stood in place, her heart almost beating out of her chest. And from the very short distance she could hear Jane and Frost bidding their other two friends goodbye. Frost said something funny and Jane laughed again, throwing her hand over the other guys shoulder as they turned to walk in Maura's direction.

It was then that Jane came to a complete stand still. They're eyes locked immediately, and Maura could have sworn Jane looked right _through _her. For the briefest of moments the blonde saw guilt flicker through Jane's features, and then she _completely _misinterpreted it.

Frost was about to ask Maura where she'd been hiding all this time when the blonde started talking, ''So this is why you left me?'', she pointed angrily at Frost.

Both Jane and Frost were too astonished to answer back immediately, effectively leading Maura to believe she was correct in her assessment. ''a whole week has passed Jane. In which I cried myself to sleep '', Maura's voice broke as she stepped closer to where Jane had removed her hand from Frost's shoulder. ''and look at you, doing _so _well. Did you even have the _slightest _feelings for me?''

''Mau-''

''What was it Jane? Did I not kiss you right, or fuck you well enough?''

Jane's eyes widened in embarrassment and shock. Frost just stood there with a gapping mouth. He didn't even know the two had broken up to begin with. ''It's n-''

''Am I not cool enough? Is it that I am not a senior? WHAT IS IT JANE!'', Maura yelled, not giving Jane the chance to defend herself.

The brunette was too sluggish in her response and Maura was too riled up to wait.

''How do you do it Jane? Just walk away like we never loved at all. You just moved on'', she waved her hand in Frost's direction.

That's when Jane moved to stand right in front of Maura, trying to calm the girl so she could get a word in edgewise.

Wrong move.

Maura raised her hand and slapped the brunette hard across the cheek. ''Maybe _that's _your way of dealing with things Jane, forgetting everything that's happened between us. But I don't operate like that. I loved you Jane, in every way I was capable of. And you broke my heart, you broke _me.''_ she pointed her finger roughly to her chest.

And that's when she saw her car in her peripheral vision and just simply walked away. Jane had her hand to her throbbing cheek and Frost stood stalk still, mouth still agape.

Silently they watched Maura climb into her car and the vehicle soon drove off, leaving Jane and Frost to finally exhale the breaths they'd been holding.

''Ho-ly shit'', Frost breathed. ''What the hell was _that? _What did you do to her Jane?_'', _he asked.

...

The brunette had nowhere to start, so she bid him farewell and briskly sought the confines of her bedroom.

When Jane got home she was even more depressed than she was a few days back. ''Why did I do this Ma?'', she pleaded for reassurance from her mother.

''I never said it would be easy baby. It's going to take some time to get over'', Angela comforted.

''I hate this, all of this. I hate myself for doing this to Maura. You should have seen her Ma''

''I can only imagine''

''She thought me and Frost are together'', Jane said in utter disbelief. ''she yelled at me, and when I tried to say anything she slapped me''. Angela gasped. She never pegged Maura as one to use violence, but situations like those often brought the worst out of people.

''I'm so sorry honey'', Angela stroked her daughters hair.

''She was right. How am I going to live with myself knowing that I have broken her heart so badly'', Jane whispered to herself.

* * *

When Maura got home she rushed for her mother's room. Thankfully the woman wasn't occupied so Maura jumped right to it. ''I've made up my mind mother'', she announced after being told to enter.

''About what dear?'', the woman feigned innocence.

''Oxford. I'm going. And I want to leave as soon as possible''

Constance could sense the spur of the moment decision Maura was making, and had it been regarding anything else she would have advised against it. ''Do you want to talk about this honey? Is everything okay?''

Maura briefly considered going into it all over again with her mother but she'd just lost the will-power, she couldn't do it anymore. ''There isn't much to say. I see no reason to prolong my stay here in Boston''

''Well I'll get in touch with the school right away, it's still morning in England thankfully''

''I appreciate that mother'', Maura said still standing by the door. ''and I see no reason to finish off this last week in school, I can't bare it, I just can't'', Maura breathed deeply, trying to keep her emotions in check.

''I understand dear, and under no circumstance would I force you otherwise. We can begin our packing and make arrangements to leave as soon as possible''. Constance couldn't have been happier. Not happy because her daughter was on the brink of a complete emotional melt down, but happy that her daughter was agreeing to attend Oxford and move to England with them. She had in the past sometimes doubted the genuineness of Jane's love. She saw it as petty and short lived – classic high school romance type of thing. But she was jarred at learning the true depths of Jane's love. That this eighteen year old girl had boldly let Maura go, only because she loved her too much to lead her in the wrong direction. That earned Jane so much respect from Constance, Jane didn't even know. And Constance vowed to herself that if ever the opportunity arose, she would do right by Jane….and Maura.


	5. Chapter 5

A little bit stronger – Sara Evans

And just like that Maura left Boston, without so much as a backward glance. Settling in England was not a hurdle for her, she'd been before, and there really wasn't much to stress over. A new place is just what she needed actually. Making friends wasn't on her mind, lovers even further from it. She spent the first two weeks before her summer program nursing her broken heart and carefully putting the shattered pieces back in place. It was the most trying thing she'd ever done, and she did it all on her own.

Once getting to England her parents had thrown themselves into work, just as she'd predicted. Constance occasionally asked how she was doing but it was merely obligatory, the woman had more pressing matters now. With enough time passed, Maura began schooling. It was a welcomed distraction. Learning had always drawn her interest, and she soaked everything up like a sponge.

By the end of summer, she was ready to start her A'levels. Granted she was on a much higher level than her classmates, but it was still required that she complete the full two years. And just as she had suspected, Jane had completely forgotten about her. Part of her thought that maybe the brunette would contact her one way or another, but nothing happened. On very emotionally taxing days, when she'd felt like she couldn't go on, she had almost called Jane. Almost. But she didn't. She steeled herself and carried on. A she got a little bit stronger with each passing day.

During her two years of A'levels, she spent the summer doing her half day internships at the hospital. All the excitement and work took her mind off Jane and with time she began to recover. And that's when she met Garrett Fairfield. The two hit it off instantly and began dating after a short while. They went strong, till the point when Garrett asked for her hand in marriage. She was only twenty by this time, enjoying university and looking forward to a long and prosperous career path. The last thing she needed was marriage. So when she turned down Garrett's proposal, he left her. To her great relief, it wasn't nearly as painful as when Jane had broken up with her. If anything, it had just slightly bruised her ego. And that was a very simple thing to recover from.

After university, she left for Doctors without borders. She wanted something new, and she was desperate for a sense of purpose.

She found it in Africa.

There she spent long and hot days tending to peoples medical needs, and never before had her life been so fulfilling. Whilst working there she met Ian Faulkner. They began a strange sort of romance that lasted the few years that she worked in Africa. Maura needed to leave, but Ian refused. So with the mutual dissolution of their relationship, Maura decided to take on a job back in Massachusetts as a Medical Examiner. She had seen too much hurt to subject herself to working with the living again. Their agony often haunted her at night, and she felt she just couldn't do it anymore.

Massachusetts wouldn't have been her first choice obviously, but that's where the position came up. And a colleague had informed her that the chief ME of Massachusetts was almost retiring and with Maura's credentials she would easily be in line for that position. The blonde had thought long and hard about the decision. A great part of her just said to leave it alone and go back to England, but the smaller part told herself that she wasn't going to hold off on the good things in life just because of Jane Rizzoli, a girl she had been madly in love with fifteen years ago and who had dumped her with a pathetic excuse. No. She wouldn't hold anything off for Jane. Jane Rizzoli did not own the United States of America. Jane Rizzoli did not own Massachusetts. Jane Rizzoli did not own _her. _And Massachusetts was huge anyway. Chances of ever seeing Jane again were almost zero.

There was google of course. She could simply type in _Jane Rizzoli _and learn a little about the whereabouts of the one person who had hurt her so deeply. But she was above that now. The past was the past and she had moved on. She wasn't going to limit herself because of a failed relationship.

What hurts the most - Cascada

If there was one thing Jane could change about her life, it would have been letting go of Maura the way she did. It was the worst possible way of giving someone you loved a bright future. Jane was under the impression that Maura was set to depart the week after her graduation. Focusing her time and energy into her last days of high school, she figured as soon as that was out of the way, she'd figure out a way to make it up to Maura before she left. If she didn't find anything worthy, her last resort would be revealing the truth.

Imagine the surprise when she went to Maura's and found out they had left.

Constance hadn't even informed Angela out of fear that she'd tell Jane and the whole thing would blow over.

Maura had left just four days after her confrontation with Jane. When the brunette made it over to the Isles mansion, it was to find an unfamiliar family moving in. With no way of knowing how to contact Maura, Jane had got the address of Oxford University and written a letter directed to Maura. She had no idea whether it would get to her or not, but she still did.

And she wrote those letters for a whole year, getting no response. She wasn't really expecting one though; they were all just apology letters. Sometimes she thought the people at the university may have opened them and had a good laugh at the stupidity of the whole situation.

Jane then went on to Community College just as she'd intended in the beginning. Emotionally, everything was difficult for the brunette who had so fiercely loved Maura. But she learnt to move on, never forgetting Maura though – it wasn't possible.

The end of community college then took her to the Academy. Her intent focus and determination left her graduating at the top of her class, at the youngest age as well. Her dreams were slowly coming true, and the one thing she wished for every time was that Maura's were too. If the blonde didn't make it, then all the heartache would have been for nothing. Jane never wanted to think of that, it was almost like thoughts of suicide to her.

There had been two men in her life over the years since Maura - Casey Jones and Rafael Martinez. Jane could never bring herself to be with a woman again. Maura was her one and only. Her relationship with Martinez was brief, and whatever she had with Casey was on-again off-again, neither being able to fully commit.

Jane was finally where she dreamed to be, Homicide Detective. It was one hell of a dream come true. And she'd made it together with Frost. After Maura left, she and him had had only _one _conversation about what really happened with Maura. Frost had called Jane an idiot for letting go of Maura, but with time he came to understand Jane's rationalization. And they never discussed it since. Not to say Frost wasn't witness to how much Jane had suffered through the years. The brunette never said it, but Frost knew that Jane hurt so badly over Maura's departure. The only thing he could do was be there for Jane, if she ever felt like talking about it one day.

She never did.

* * *

Massachusetts didn't fail her. True to her colleague's word, the Chief Medical Examiner had retired a year after Maura had been working in the state. And just as predicted, she was indeed offered the job as his replacement. Since coming back into the country, Maura had been residing in Pittsfield (where Ian had come to visit of two occassions), but now had to move two hours from there and back into Boston for the job. This offer led her directly to the Boston Police Department where…

''Detective Rizzoli'', Maura stretched her hand to greet Jane with absolute indifference (at least it appeared so...)

It is so easy to convince yourself that you are over something or someone if they are out of sight. But standing directly in front of Jane in the bullpen, Maura felt like she had been transported seventeen years back.

''Hello'', Jane almost whispered as her hand slipped out of Maura's smaller one. The blonde looked about a thousand times more beautiful than she remembered.

Cavanaugh innocently made introduction between the medical examiner and the people she'd be working closely with. Only Maura, Jane, and Frost where aware of what was simmering underneath the surface.

After giving Jane a once-over, Maura directed her complete attention to Cavanaugh. And once the introductions where complete, she was given a quick tour of the place and before she knew it, she was quietly settled in her uniquely decorated office.

''What are the odds?'', she spoke to herself. Her life was just going on to prove once again how very unfortunate she could be. She _had_ to be placed at the same location that Jane was at. And they _had_ to be working closely together.

Of course there were chances that they would meet, she knew. But how could she have been positive that Jane had in fact made it to Homicide Detective. Out of all the precincts, how could she have known that Jane was located at that particular one.

And boy had Jane looked beautiful. She had watched the brunette so confident in her element, with the same long hair and long bones. She'd only gotten more beautiful with age. And even though Maura was mad beyond mad, she couldn't deny (at least to herself), that she felt an attraction to Jane still.

* * *

''So…what are you gonna do?'', Frost inquired as soon as Korsak left his desk for coffee.

Jane breathed in deeply, ''I have no fucking clue''

''Whatever you do partner, I don't wanna be there. The last time left a scar you know'', he tried lightening up the mood for Jane's benefit. ''But _after _you do whatever you do, I'll be around though. Okay?''

''Thanks Frost''

...

Jane paced in the break room. It was such a surreal experience. When they'd been told about getting a new M.E a name had never been mentioned. She'd been so blindsided by Maura's appearance and now she felt like she needed to do something fast, before Maura went away. But she also knew she had one chance, and if she blew it, that would be it. Obviously seeking any romantic relationship was completely out of the question. So was friendship. If she was lucky, the most she could get from Maura was an amiable professional relationship.

Pacing wasn't helping, she needed to do something. And God knows she needed to see Maura. So bracing herself for the worst, she made her way to the morgue. And just then it hit her, Maura _had _done well for herself. She was now the _Chief ME_ of the entire _state. _She felt a burst of pride for the woman she had never stopped loving. It felt strange to think of her as a woman now. Until about an hour ago ago, Jane had carried the image of a sixteen year old freckled girl. Now she was this whole woman in designer clothes and high heels and wavy hair. It was like being transported into the future in a millisecond.

Before she could think of anything more, she was standing in front of Maura's closed door. She was scared, irrational as it was, that if she didn't speak to Maura fast the woman would disappear and she'd have to wait another seventeen years to see her again.

Driven by fear, she knocked lightly.

''Come in'', came Maura's sweet voice.

Jane took a deep breath and let herself in, quickly closing the door behind her, but moving into the room no further.

''Please, just hear me out. Don't chase me out just yet. Please'', Jane begged before Maura got a chance to say anything.

The blonde didn't respond, she just looked up and raised her eyebrows for Jane to continue.

''Today is your first day and I know you have a lot to do; I don't wanna take up too much of your time. And I know this isn't the right place to be dealing with personal affairs. I also know I have no right to ask anything of you, but I will try anyway. Please, all I want is a chance to explain myself. Whenever you are free, or ready, or you know…please, just tell. I'll be there, wherever you want to meet and talk. I just ask for one chance for you to hear me out''

Jane took another deep breath from her hurried speech. Maura appeared to be thinking very hard about Jane's request.

''I owe you an explanation for what I did. I want to meet with you, so I can explain myself. I am not asking for forgiveness, or even understanding. I just want to _tell_ you, so that you know why…''

''Okay'', Maura said simply.

''Okay?''. Jane looked confused. Clearly she'd been expecting a bit of a battle.

''I said it's okay Jane. When I have the time, I will let you know''

It sounded very dismissive, and Jane was unclear as to what procedure to follow. Did she say good-bye then leave? How would Maura contact her anyway? Do they exchange phone numbers? Does she at least get to tell Maura that she missed her? It was all very confusing.

''Maura…'', she begged.

And Maura knew what she was asking. Even after all those years, she knew Jane's plea for help for which directions to follow.

''Jane'', Maura said patiently, with an outside bravado that she didn't possess internally. ''you _do_ owe me an explanation. I haven't learnt to lie over the years, so I will not pretend that I am not interested in hearing what you have to say for yourself. Just don't come to me with any expectations, because I can assure you, you will be disappointed. Evidently I'll be seeing you on a daily basis, so when I do get the chance, I'll inform you. I trust that you will be readily available, as you have so nicely stressed''

''Yes I will'', Jane said eagerly.

''Alright then, have a nice day''. With that, Maura picked up her pen and got back to the documents on her table.

Jane slowly let herself out, disappointed that she hadn't got to say much, and glad that Maura had at least given her an opportunity to say what she never told her.

* * *

**Ouch…?**


End file.
